YBC Reports: Insider Confirms Shell Pulling Out of Beaver County

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Who in this area has not heard of this ‘cracker plant’ coming in? Heck, if you drive to the mall and look toward Raccoon it looks like a different world! They have been blowing up the hillside, bulldozing trees, building roads, all for what we all thought was going to be a Shell Chemicals plant. What if I were to tell you though, that YBC got the exclusive scoop that Shell is no longer interested in Beaver County?!

That’s right. Shell isn’t coming. No “cracker planting” will be happening here. As a matter of fact, this might be so totally classified, I’m not even sure I should write about it yet. But, for you, the loyal YBC reader, I will press on and let the mouse, er…cat out of the bag.

A few weeks ago there was a rumor that the Beaver Valley Mall was going to be moved to Chippewa.  There is more construction going on near King’s, and is starting down the hill toward Wal Mart. These things are all very much related. This is it, folks. The real deal truth. A truth BOMB, if you will.

Beaver County has been chosen as the next site for a certain celebrity mouse to land with his world famous amusement park. EEEEEE (mouse squeal!!) YES! We may be losing Beaver Valley Mall, Target, Kings, Wal Mart, and, well, pretty much everything between the Center and Monaca exits on 376, BUT we are gaining acres and acres of an amazing funhouse that we can all benefit from! While we can’t mention the name, I think you know what mouse I am referring.

Emm Ohh You Ess EEEEE.

I reached out to their spokeswoman, Amanda Hugginkiss, last weekend and she went over the highest level details of this new mouse universe and why, of all places, Beaver County! The plan is simple. To use the area’s four seasons to their advantage by offering a constant rotation of attractions. Ms. Hugginkiss made mention of the Ohio and Beaver Rivers being used as well. In the warmer weather, it will be turned into a wet ride, the likes of which have never been seen!  For the frozen tundra we all dread, we will soon be able to skate our way through mousey bliss, under the bridges and through the new Frozen land. 

The park will be built with different areas like the large park in Florida, with a huge variety of eateries, vendors and rides. They are relying on YBC to provide them with the best of the best (of the best!) of the County, and we are in the process of submitting our recommendations right this very minute (OK, so not technically this very minute. I think Andy is busy working on #TheInternetNamesAnimals thing). Corey will be submitting for best burger (even though we all know he would submit the Palms for whatever category he had), Marc will be going for best cup of coffee (his nickname is Juan Valdez you know), Maura is going to do some horseback riding attraction suggestions, Ella is going to help with design of the parks so that it will be the best marathon route in existence, and Erin is taking pictures of us all while we do this. Oh, and when Andy is done trying to rename all of the local animals, he is going to give the top 5 BC traditions that need to be included.  I believe he mentioned something about a Maple Syrup Festival and a car cruise, but I am not too sure.

And you thought Shell was bringing opportunity to us? Psshaw. This will be the best thing that’s happen to BC since the HDS opened its doors! Since Hank’s sold its first taco! Since YBC published its first article!!!

So there you have it folks. The real deal.  The completion date for this new big basket of fun is going to be 2021. Specifically, April Fools Day 🙂

Anastasia Beaverhausen is a married, stay-at-home mom of three kids. She was born, raised and still lives in downtown Beaver. Her main goals in life are making sure everyone lives through the week, the house doesn’t end up condemned, and teaching two (so far) small people how to “people” properly. In her free time, Ana enjoys running, knitting and gardening, although free time is a pretty tough thing to come by these days. Follow her on twiter @bcBeaverhausen!

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Comments

  1. Dave says

    So I get the April Fool’s joke about the Amusement Park, but is the Shell stuff also part of the prank? Are they pulling out?

  2. says

    Excellent April fools prank…or is it?! Lol…can you imagine the insanity this weekend as everyone talks about this, at least the ones that did not read the entire article!!

  3. says

    Excellent April fools prank…or is it?! Lol…can you imagine the insanity this weekend as everyone talks about this, at least the ones that did not read the entire article!!no

  4. Ugh says

    This is the worst thing I’ve ever read and I’d like my time back. Please go learn how to be a real journalist.

    • Connie Ozanne says

      I agree! It’s not funny for those whose jobs and property values depends on whether or not Shell continues this project. I actually went to their website and contacted Shell….officially. He said that they are continuing to work on the property but that they have not been told a final decision about the actual building of the plant on that site. I asked if they had any idea of a decision date and he said no.

      • Veronica B says

        Seems like her journalism skills are ok enough if you actually had to contact Shell?? Thats a shame.
        Next time maybe consider the source and the day.
        Oh and take the rod out of your butt and lighten up a little.

  5. UghDuhAbuh says

    I’m concerned that:

    1. There are people that didn’t take the time to read the entire article, yet DID take the time to contact Shell. Uhhh….SMH.

    2. It’s April Fools Day, so yeah…

    3. This is a small, informal, online information outlet, not ABC World News.

    Common sense should prevail. If it doesn’t, then please refer to The Dunning-Kruger Effect and use it for self reference.

    http://www.patheos.com/blogs/crossexamined/2015/02/the-dunning-kruger-effect-are-the-stupid-too-stupid-to-realize-theyre-stupid/

  6. Mary Fabian says

    ROFL! You had me! I was getting ready to forward this to my husband, when I finished the last sentence!
    Wonderful!! Good one YBC! 🙂

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